NEWT ALLIES TO INTRODUCE "DEFENSE OF OPEN MARRIAGE ACT" IN CONGRESS

Unnamed Newt Gingrich's supporters in Congress have leaked that they will introduce the Defense of Open Marriage Act during the spring session.

One wife at a time?

The act, unfortunately known as DOOMA, may just spell doom for the religious right's former stance on such matters. Supporters, however, disagree that this would change the conservative definition of family values.

 

"We want to keep marriage as God intended it to be," one Representative stated, anonymously for now. "One husband, one wife, one mistress, and maybe a few flings on the side. These are the family values that made Newt a great American, and made America great."

Asked whether this might be considered a hypocritical change of position, he responded: "What change? We've always been for hypocrisy. Besides, it's in the Bible. Solomon had hundreds of wives and concubines, and heaven only knows what he did on business trips."